This week on Maximum Mom, your host Elise Buie is joined by Brita Long. Brita is an attorney and attorney coach who teaches flat fees to other attorneys and more importantly mind set.
Watch the YouTube version of this episode HERE
This week on Maximum Mom, your host Elise Buie is joined by Sarah Walton.
Sarah Walton is a business coach and sales expert who’s been featured on The Today Show, speaks at women’s conferences all over the world and has helped hundreds of women start and grow businesses they LOVE.
From growing up in a low-income household with a single mom to helping moms turn their passion into a business they love that can support their families, Sarah’s lived experience shows how women can powerfully change their lives and the lives of their families and communities. Sarah’s transitioned from being “just another coach” to being a change-maker. It’s time to put more money in the hands of more women, and Sarah is all in.
Take a listen!
Speaker 1 (00:00:01) - Welcome to Maxima Mom with Elise Buey, where you'll hear from women who are navigating the same messy journey as you lawyering, entrepreneurship, and mothering. What a trifecta. We're here to share tips, resources, wins, losses, and encouragement for moms who are raising a family while building a law firm so you feel less alone in your journey toward a fulfilling career and being the best mom you can be.
Speaker 2 (00:00:30) - Come on. Welcome, Sarah. Thank you so much for joining me today. How are you? I'm wonderful and I'm so happy to be here with you. I'm absolutely thrilled. I am so excited to have you. And you are just one of those people that I just love to talk to because you are super gregarious and friendly, and it just makes this job so much easier when you talk to somebody who is so engaging so well. Well thank you.
Speaker 3 (00:00:58) - You're very kind.
Speaker 2 (00:00:59) - Well, first tell us what you do exactly. I know you are a business coach. You have been on the Today show.
Speaker 2 (00:01:07) - You kind of are the champion of women, you know, really finding their own business and doing things. Let us know, though, what you do. Exactly how would you describe what you do? Oh, I love that. Thank you.
Speaker 3 (00:01:21) - And it's always funny when someone says that I'm like, who are they talking about? Right? It's like that moment of like, oh wait, that's me. Let's see. So I think if I were to honestly distill it down, I consider it my job to put more money in the hands of more women. That's actually my motto. And the way that I do that is by really breaking down sales. So it becomes an act of service and love and joy. And then I also really do deep dives on our relationship with money. And this matters so much to me because I was raised by a single mom and I was raised incredibly at $0, right? Like zero. And I know what that does to women, and it does not serve our society.
Speaker 3 (00:02:00) - It doesn't serve us. It doesn't serve our psyche, it doesn't serve our children. And it is really, really important to me that we learn how to run our own businesses, if that's what we choose to do, and to do that in a way that is profitable, and to do that in a way that fills our souls, right. They just absolutely lights us up and that that is possible. I've helped women, you know, start businesses where they sew together. People's like their kid soccer jerseys and make quilts. I've helped women who are IVF experts get, you know, I think she has now 350 new babies on the planet. Like, you can really create a business out of anything as long as it's based on your experience, your expertise and your talents. I like to help people package that in such a way that they can make a living that really serves them while they're helping others. That was a long answer to your question.
Speaker 2 (00:02:47) - Yeah, but it was a powerful answer to my short question.
Speaker 2 (00:02:52) - It's my.
Speaker 3 (00:02:52) - Jam. I really it's really important to me.
Speaker 2 (00:02:55) - Yeah, well, I mean, I feel like I have to dive into that. But first let me just I always ask people, just so people know, tell us, who's your family at home? Like we call this the Maximum Mom podcast. So let us know a little bit about that part.
Speaker 3 (00:03:09) - So I have a son here with me. My son and my daughter live with me. My son is right now in the throes of college applications. God help us all. My daughter is she just went to a new high school this year. She's a freshman and we changed high schools. We she didn't go to our town high school. She she is just thriving. She's falling in love with Latin. Who knew? And she's on the high school dance team, which she is just absolutely loving. So that's who I have at home. And if you really want to know, we're having chicken pot pie for dinner tonight. If you want deep, that's where we're going.
Speaker 2 (00:03:41) - Hahahahahahaha! Is that homemade chicken pot pie?
Speaker 3 (00:03:45) - It is homemade. I was raised Mormon, so there's some things in there. You just you can take the girl out of Mormonism, but there's.
Speaker 2 (00:03:51) - Some habits that stick. You know what I'm saying? I do, I do they always say, you can take the girl out of New Orleans, but you cannot take New Orleans out of the girl. And that is I mean, I mean, it's for real. Yeah. Now we make, you know, gumbo and jambalaya, but I'm with you and your chicken pot pie, so I'm all there. Yeah, absolutely. Okay. I have to go back, though, to your answer to the question. I want to understand more from you. What does it mean? So, I mean, let's say somebody like me, just a random here I am, I'm a lawyer, I own a law firm. You know, I've been doing that for a while, but let's say I'm not fulfilled.
Speaker 2 (00:04:29) - And I really think I want to do something else. Like I'm a divorce lawyer and I've had my own divorce. I've, you know, had a blended family. Those are the kind of things that really interests me. What do I do when I'm coming to you? Like, what does that look like?
Speaker 3 (00:04:43) - Not fun. There's actually a specific session I have for someone who comes in out of the blue and is like, and it's called the when I Grow Up session B, and I named it after my first client who's like, please tell me what I'm going to be when I grow up. Right? And she was like the senior ad exec at a radio station, right. She's like, I don't know, this is not my job, but it really is. It's a 90 minute power packed question session, basically to help come through to what you really want to do. And I am not the traditional business coach who's like, and now here's my three step process to make you a millionaire in 20 minutes, right? Like I don't know who's doing that.
Speaker 3 (00:05:17) - Actually, I think that's really weird. But anyway, so what we do is to really look at what makes you happy. And we do the trifecta your experience, your expertise and your talents. And how do we marry those. And then my belief is about business and. I will stand by this forever. It might be the title of my book, so hang on to your hats and glasses. But it is literally. If you can solve a problem for someone, or you can help them get through something faster and with less pain, they will pay you the end, right? And so as long as those three things are being used your experience, your talents, and your expertise, we're golden. And then we solve problems with that. And it's which problems do you want to solve? Which problems make your socks roll up and down, right? For me, it's the problem of women not understanding their relationship to money. Right? Right. And people are like, well, how do you charge for that if they don't have money? And I'm like, ah, right.
Speaker 3 (00:06:04) - Like but I'll figure it out. Why? Because I'll get people there faster and with less pain. Right. But people have literally asked me that. And I've helped people create businesses for starving artists. They're like, how does that work? I'm like, yeah, because you're solving something faster with less pain. And I think when we get to the heart of that, people get super excited. We look at where we are in our in our world, right. College applications notwithstanding, I'm looking at how much people are spending on college totally. And they don't worry about the ROI on that. Right? How many people have said, well, okay, I'll pay you $80,000 a year, but what am I getting back for it? What are we doing? Right? Meanwhile, I'm like, you know what? So let's talk about the investment on this. And people freak out. I'm like, it's nowhere near what you paid for college. And the second I say that, they go, oh my God, you're absolutely right.
Speaker 3 (00:06:47) - And I'm like, you're going to get a lot more out of this. And then they're done completely. Yeah. And it's true. It's not a trick. It's like we just sort of have to reframe the way that we talk about how we solve problems and the way that we talk about how we can help, if we can reframe that for ourselves and everybody else is reframing naturally happens? Does that make sense?
Speaker 2 (00:07:04) - Yeah. Well, I mean, what is super curious to me, obviously I'm in the legal world. I'm around lawyers all the time, you know, mostly law firm owners and stuff. But I think of all our sales teams, somebody like you could do a teaching to a sales team in a law firm to help that person connect with that potential new client and talk about how do they reframe that conversation and how do they acknowledge what we can bring to that potential new client, what problem we are solving, how we're addressing their pain? I mean, this is like kind of fascinating to me.
Speaker 3 (00:07:42) - Yeah, it's so great. But I mean, think about it. I don't you just run to like, you know, your local pharmacy when you have a headache. Yeah. Yeah. You don't ask about the ROI on that Tylenol. You're like, freaking get rid of my headache right now. Right? And that's where we really want to understand how we help people. And that's, you know, sometimes it's hard to get especially women, because we're always in such the service mind. We're always like, who needs help, who needs help, who needs help? And I deal with that a lot, too. That's called high functioning codependence, which we can talk about for 3.5 hours if you want. But that's something we do as women. And so helping someone peel back to get to they're actually solving a problem is golden, because we always want to help someone else feel better. And once we can get it can take me a hot second to pull someone back there, depending on how ready they are to actually start creating a profit in their business.
Speaker 3 (00:08:30) - If I can pull someone back, they're getting to the problem you solve is where the spigot to profit lives. Mhm.
Speaker 2 (00:08:37) - Yeah. This is so interesting. Well, and I find your interest in your real passion around women and money and their whole thing to be so eye opening because I mean I am somebody who literally has, you know, built a multi seven figure law firm. Yet I have my own issues personally with whether I'm doing what I need to do to save for myself and to do whatever I like, make sure my team's got, you know, their 41K, their matching, their whatever. But when it comes to my own, I'm like, oh well, I'm not real good with that. I mean, what is that like that's what I, I.
Speaker 3 (00:09:15) - Always joke around. It's like, it's like the shoemaker's kids have no shoes, right? It's the best. It's very common, first of all. So let's just say that right. There's very, very normal. And it is part of the high functioning codependence.
Speaker 3 (00:09:26) - So high functioning Codependence. Anytime I say that when I'm speaking, everyone goes, I have that. I'm like, I haven't defined it yet, but it just they're like, no, I do and I'm like, I just laugh. I'm like, you probably do. It's funny, but it just it's exactly kind of what it sounds like. But it's this idea that as women, right, people who are who were raised as girls, the whole thing, right, with the the constant message was, oh, don't cry, where's my pretty face? Right. Those sorts of messages, they were subtle. But what they say is your emotions are bothering me. Could you please stop having them? Right. And then that turns into everyone's watching TV and you're running around the house doing the laundry and making sure dinner's done and get it right. That's what that looks like. And we can function at that level. The high functioning piece is real, right? So it's that anyone born into a female body, we have more connective tissue literally between our left and right hemispheres of our brains.
Speaker 3 (00:10:16) - It's an actual physiological difference. And that's what allows us to multitask like crazy. Right. That's what allows us to go. Yeah. Could you get that chicken out of the freezer? Hey, did you get that thing? FactSet? You know I didn't get that. Did you send that email? No, I got this. And you're texting someone at the same time. We actually. Literally, physiologically have the ability to do that. And I always joke around. I was raised with five boys in the house. Right. So I say this with love, but anyone who's lived with a guy who's watching TV and you go, hey, could you take the garbage out? They're like, But I'm watching. I watch some TV and it's literally they don't have that ability. That's not a dig. It's wonderful in so many ways, right? Because men go in and focus and you can't mess. We don't have that. So it's like this beautiful ability for us to do all of this, except that it has been turned into all of the invisible, unpaid work that makes the world work for everyone but us.
Speaker 3 (00:11:06) - Right? Right. And that gets translated into my staff's 401 K's are taken care of. I don't do mine right. And it's amazing. It hits almost every area of our lives. And it's not your fault at all. And it's going to take women talking to other women about it so we can call each other on and be like, yo do, did you put money in your pocket? Did you do that right? Because if not left to our own devices, we hear crazy things out there like, oh, she's just killing it. Meanwhile, she's half dead, right? And the one phrase I will never say about a woman ever is you're so selfless. I don't want women giving up themselves. That's not a thing. Like, we really need to slow that down. But it manifests, at least in the way that you just said. And so it's so great to even be aware of it, because then you can go, ah, I can be really high functioning and not be codependent on me.
Speaker 3 (00:11:52) - You're so great. You're so good. And that's that codependence piece. And we can break that for each other to not be dependent and need to take care of everybody else. Because there are I mean, how many times have you been like, I'm taking care of everyone? I'm taking care of it. I don't want to take care of everyone. You keep taking care of everyone. That's the competency piece. Yeah. So it's like really calling each other out with love and support and kindness. I mean, like, yo, dude, you don't have to pretend like you don't know how to do this. You're so good with numbers. You have run this business like, girl, I got you. Let's go. And that energy shifts it immediately and you go. You're right. I'm taking care of this in, like, the next 20 minutes. Because you could and you can, right? But understanding where it comes from and the fact that you are not at fault or to blame for any of it.
Speaker 3 (00:12:39) - Right. It's the system loves it.
Speaker 2 (00:12:41) - The system.
Speaker 3 (00:12:42) - Thrives off of us doing this kind of.
Speaker 2 (00:12:44) - Wild. Because, I mean, when you mention the whole idea of, you know, the stuff that's going on in our head because, I mean, I'll say to myself, like, I'll hear myself, oh, well, if you go, you know, put that money over there and save that, that you kind of be in selfish and kind of capitalistic. And I'm just like, I mean, hello, like.
Speaker 3 (00:13:05) - Do you know what I mean? I do, I really do. Yeah, it is, it is, it's because we have been trained to never take care of us. Right. So it's not even like you're being responsible and you are taking care of yourself. It's like, you selfish wench, how could you take that? Right? It's amazing. High functioning codependence. Yeah, that's what that is. Yeah, it's. It's amazing. It's so powerful once you know it, because you're like, well, I'm not doing that anymore.
Speaker 3 (00:13:32) - It gets really easy to stop the the chatter will still be there because it's been there for your whole life, but you'll hear it in a different way and you'll be like, oh, I get that all the time. People are like, Sarah. It's like you're sitting there going, it's okay. You don't have to go do what you want to do. It's okay. They're like, I hear you. I'm like, good, I'm doing my job.
Speaker 2 (00:13:49) - Seriously. Well, I mean, I cannot I mean, like you say, I am not the only person who's dealing with this. Clearly this is. Would you have any recommendations like books people can read or things? Are there anything that you would recommend?
Speaker 3 (00:14:03) - There's 100 million. Um, my favorite actually. The woman who coined the phrase high functioning codependence. She's a therapist in New York City. And her last name, Terry Cole. I was like, her last name flew right out of my head, but Terry Cole is her name.
Speaker 3 (00:14:14) - I don't love the name of her book. I wish she'd named it something different, but it's called Boss Babe or Boundary Boss. Sorry, boundary boss is the name of her book. I apologize sometimes my mouth is faster than my brain and boundary boss is fantastic and she goes through actual exercises you can do to to break the high functioning codependence. And as the person who coined the phrase, definitely go see her because she knows what she's doing. If you're looking for books and then the other one that I really like, which isn't specifically about high functioning codependence is the slight edge written by a white man, which, whatever the contents, great. No. And I do try to read it probably once every six months, 6 or 7 months. And it really is about doing the unsexy tasks that no one else will ever see or know about and generate revenue. Now I see it that way, that generate revenue or that change your life. So saving money when you make it changes your life completely, right? And the number, the number one avenue to wealth is your income.
Speaker 3 (00:15:13) - Totally. I mean, it just is right. And what you choose to do with that income, that's your only avenue to wealth, right? That's the money coming in and how you choose to deal with that or use that. Sometimes an unsexy task, right? Those are the things that consistently putting that money aside, consistently maxing out the 401 K can. Consistently investing in programs for the employees, like whatever it is.
Speaker 2 (00:15:34) - You choose to.
Speaker 3 (00:15:34) - Do. Those unsexy tasks can break through the high functioning codependence as well.
Speaker 2 (00:15:40) - Interesting. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (00:15:41) - Okay.
Speaker 2 (00:15:42) - That's so helpful I love that. Yeah. Okay. Now I feel like I got homework to do. I love it, I'm getting homework.
Speaker 3 (00:15:49) - Can I share one more tip on that.
Speaker 2 (00:15:51) - Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (00:15:52) - One I, I, I've really studied, I would say over the last eight years in watching the physical manifestation of high functioning codependence for most of us is a feeling that you're hollow. I don't know, it's it's a little bit different for everybody, but as some people, it's right where your ribs separate.
Speaker 3 (00:16:05) - For other people, it's kind of in your chest. If you're feeling that way, it's because you are in that moment participating in high functioning codependence you're doing something for someone else, or you're doing something because you think it looks good. That is making you very unhappy. And that's the moment to just sort of no judgment on self. Right. That just makes it all worse. But like just to step back for that moment and go, wow, why am I actually doing this one specific thing right now? And am I the only one who could be doing this one specific thing right now? And that is when one more book, sorry, The Gift of failure. That's when the book, The Gift of Failure, came into my life. And at the ages of five and eight, my children started doing their own laundry and making their own lunches because I was like, you know what one? They should know how to do this. Like, come on, it kills me what the kids can't do anymore.
Speaker 3 (00:16:50) - Right? But two, it was that moment of they were all watching TV. Yep. And I was doing laundry. And I'm like, what the hell is this? And I didn't mean it to be mean, but I'm like, how did this even happen? Exactly? Like, how did this happen? And I think those moments are those are moments for us to sort of support each other in and go, dude, I just had a moment, just completely it's okay. Someone else can do the laundry. It's all right. Like just supporting in that, in that sort of dialogue with each other to support breaking through this and asking questions.
Speaker 2 (00:17:18) - Well, it's so funny you mention that just this morning, one of my really good friends, he's a father, he and his wife, and he posted something on social media about leaving clothes all folded on the stairs for his children and his children are just stepping over them. They're not even bringing them up. And I was like, well, first stick them on the porch and make them pay to get them back.
Speaker 2 (00:17:37) - But then second, I was like, they need to be doing their own laundry. Like because his kids are like teetering on teenagers. And I was just like, I mean, in our home, it was an eight year thing. Like when you were eight, it was a big deal. Like you're taking over that chore and it was it is so interesting to read the comments. I mean, these are all like elegant people. Some people are like, well, the fact that you aren't bringing them up shows you're as lazy as your child. Oh.
Speaker 3 (00:18:05) - Excuse me. Wow.
Speaker 2 (00:18:06) - See, I'm thinking, are we kidding? I was like, these parents just did this laundry, folded them, put them on the stairs, and we're going to say these parents are lazy because they're not caring them up for their almost pre-teen. I was like, whoa, what are we teaching nowadays?
Speaker 3 (00:18:25) - And that's how it gets perpetuated right there. Yeah, it's like, how selfish are you? It's the same.
Speaker 3 (00:18:30) - It's that same message you heard. Yeah. So selfish for me to put this money away. That's. And that's how it gets perpetuated in society. And that's why we need each other to have these kinds of conversations to say, where did you learn that? Where did you learn that leaving folded, laundered clothes was lazy? Where did you learn that? And people go, whoa. And all of a sudden now they're starting to think, and that's all we can do is really support each other. And but it's it is fascinating to see where high functioning codependence you should do everything. Do everything all the time, do everything perfectly. Do it all, do it all. You're not doing enough. You're not doing enough. You're not doing enough to watch the different ways that message weaves its weaves its way into our psyches, into our subconscious, and into our day to day habits. It's it's incredible.
Speaker 2 (00:19:12) - Well, and I mean, the intensity with which this damages people's actual physical health in addition to their mental health.
Speaker 2 (00:19:21) - I mean, I just have I watch so many women. I mean, burnout isn't even begin to touch what they're dealing with. Do you know what I mean? Like, they are burned out. But I mean, some of them are literally like their bodily organs are shutting down to do, you know, like it is. And I'm not a doctor, but I mean, stress is just like kind of eating them literally.
Speaker 3 (00:19:48) - Yeah. And 90% of autoimmune diseases are belong to women. 90% of diagnoses in the United States are female. Yeah. Um, because there's a codependent piece. Keep going. You're looking great.
Speaker 2 (00:19:59) - Yeah. How do we change this? Like, how do we, you know, put a real pin in it and make a change conversation.
Speaker 3 (00:20:08) - Honestly, it's going to this is I'm going to say something terrible. It's a woman on woman crime. Right. Like I would go back and look at those comments and see who's making them. And I would bet I can guess the gender on that.
Speaker 3 (00:20:18) - And that, again, isn't a dig. They somebody did it to them and so they're passing it on. Right. So this conversation is step number one. We have to start being aware of like wait where did I learn that. That's weird. Why would I talk to someone else like. Geez, don't we all have enough to. Whoa, right. Like, just slowing for a hot second. And then step number two is all of us learning our own internal signals. Like I said, that's why I stopped and said, wait, when you feel hollow. And the best thing to do when you are experiencing that in the moment is it's going to sound very funny. But I love it because it's instant and it's free. And that is wiggle your Toes sounds crazy. It pulls you back into the moment and you recognize you're fine, okay. And you go, oh no, I'm here. I'm a person. Because that's what that's what that high functioning thing does is you. You're gone.
Speaker 3 (00:20:59) - You're out. You're just a Tarski thing that's running around doing things. You're not a person. So wiggling your toes will pull you back into your body enough that you're like, oh, that's right, I'm here. Right. Because have you ever had that you walk past the mirror, you're like, who the hell? Well, that was me, because we're not. We're so so that when you can slow down enough to sort of be there and go, okay, here I am, then you can make a different decision, like investing the money, right? Or someone else is doing this laundry, or you can start to think again. So it's conversations and awareness. Literally tell every woman you know, I'm not kidding. I had somebody give out a boundary boss to like 25 people this year. I was like, way to go because we got to start to figure this out. So conversations and awareness, knowing your own internal signals, getting yourself back in your body, wiggle your toes. Nobody knows you're doing it.
Speaker 3 (00:21:45) - It's great to do in meetings if you're nervous too, by the way. So good. And then lastly is start looking at where you can offload. Um, and that doesn't mean like make everybody else do everything and peel your grapes for you. But it's more, are you really? This is so great in business too. And I've heard other business coaches say this as well. But are you really the person who has to be doing this task really.
Speaker 2 (00:22:04) - Right.
Speaker 3 (00:22:05) - Yeah. Like really you know, and no, people may not do it as well as you initially. They may not do it exactly like you initially. Right. But to continue to fight, to hold on to things so you feel like you look good. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's probably going to really hurt you. And that's where we're at 90% of autoimmune diseases. Yeah. So I think I think that's my honest to God answer. And it's an internal process for most of us. But it's conversations like this that are step one literally.
Speaker 2 (00:22:31) - I mean, just so critical though. I just think it is so critical. Yeah. I think it's you finding most of your clients in this, like where they're having this as well.
Speaker 3 (00:22:43) - I've never met anyone who wasn't ever any woman. Sorry. I've never. And if the children are gone, they are taking care of their mother in law or their parents. Right. It's like this nonstop. Yeah. There you go. See? There it hit. Yeah. It's like nonstop. Um, you are not good enough. You are not productive enough. You are not smart enough. Unless you are taking care of everything all the time.
Speaker 2 (00:23:07) - It is. I mean, that is just so fascinating. It really I mean, I just had a conversation with my daughter, who's in law school and lots going on, but she was talking about a friend who literally just like her whole body fell apart, like doing all this. She was doing this crazy, intense job she's all involved in, like, advanced work and in politics and all this and I mean, her whole self kind of shut down.
Speaker 2 (00:23:34) - I mean, this is a person in her 20s. Yes. And I was like, and and she's literally talking about how she's like, you know, feels horrible that she needs a break. And I was like, what? I'm like, she actually needs like a massive break. Like, I mean, she is like probably doing real damage to her, her life and our longevity. Yes.
Speaker 3 (00:23:57) - Serious. Like real like you. Stress is the number one killer, literally just because of the inflammation it causes. And we know physiologically, like inflammation is one of the most dangerous things you can have in our body. And the codependence piece of this is no joke, right? Because what she's hearing as she's building up to that insanity is, oh my God, you're so amazing. We need you so much. What would we do without you? You are just incredible. How do you do all this? You're just. God, I wish my daughter was like, right, that's what she's hearing.
Speaker 3 (00:24:26) - And that's causing her to continue to act in a habitual, almost like, addictive way. Right? Where now? Now we're dealing with like that same form of dopamine hit that we're seeing in heroin addicts. And that's why people continue to do it even when it's killing them. It's exactly the same.
Speaker 2 (00:24:43) - Yeah. But how I.
Speaker 3 (00:24:44) - Mean.
Speaker 2 (00:24:45) - Wow, how does this get stopped? Like you have intrigued me beyond I mean, I am like so fascinated.
Speaker 3 (00:24:53) - Yeah. It's. Yeah. Well, I mean, I have my own thoughts about it besides the steps we've spoken about. I mean, even saying that to her is, is big because now every time, right, she starts doing it again, she'll hear, right, I'm doing it again. That awareness alone is enough. Now she has a moment and she can then choose in that moment what she's going to do about it. But now she knows she's doing it. And that is 90% of the game, right? Once we take back that power of like, no, I'm going to actively choose to do this because I want the next raise that matters to me.
Speaker 3 (00:25:22) - Like, fine, that's your choice. But be careful, because once you get that raise, you're going to want the next one. So just hang on to your ads and glasses. Right? So there's sort of that. Awareness and that cognitive conversation that we need to have. And then my personal belief, this is very self-serving of me to say, but I think every single human should have a coach, and every single human should have a therapist. Like we are not taught in school what our emotions mean and how to use them. And that's what a therapist. As far as I'm concerned, that's like we we get mentors for math and English. Why are we not getting mentors for emotions? It's the most important like asset we have and we're not taught. How do you. So go get a therapist and figure that out. Right. And then for coaching where it's like, wait a second, you've said that to me 15 times in this session, do you need a break like right. And what I, what I personally love, like I said, this is self-serving to say, but what I love so much about coaching is it can be one comment in one session changes somebody's life forever.
Speaker 3 (00:26:18) - Forever. And and you just you can't when you can't predict when that's going to happen, which kind of makes it fun. But the other is it it literally can be life changing. And I think I consider it my job as a coach is to alter human behavior, which gets us right to that high functioning codependence. Right. My job would be when I have somebody that I'm coaching, is to have them get through that with an expert shoulder to shoulder standing with them going, all right, okay. Yeah, no, I got it. So you chose to do the laundry for three hours last night. God, how are you feeling today? What was that like? Who else could have? And then the next time things start to change, it's a process of grace, and it's a process of honesty. But in order for women to, in my opinion, to truly feel free, right? So I have an Abundance Academy where I teach the the like the principles of abundance, right? And for me, abundance is freedom.
Speaker 3 (00:27:06) - It's like, let's call it what? Like I should call it the freedom. The freedom focus or something I don't read. It's like this idea that there's just so much freedom. If we are stuck in that rut, there is no freedom, right? So it's that process of getting that power back and it takes a little bit of time. It's not going to happen because we had a conversation one time. What's going to happen over time as you practice and you mess it up and you go, oh my God, this is really isn't great, right? And it is. It's just like an alcoholic. I have a friend who's who's quit drinking about eight months ago and she's like, you know, I was thinking last night, I mean, I can just have one once. I was like, damn, this ego. Like the way these addictions come right back in, you know? Oh, and had she not been talking about it, she would have talked her into the whole she would have talked herself into it.
Speaker 3 (00:27:50) - And that's why we need each other so much to support and be like, yeah, no, you can't.
Speaker 2 (00:27:56) - Right.
Speaker 3 (00:27:56) - Play a card game, go do something else. Let's do something together. You don't have to do all the laundry. Let's go have coffee. Like, those are the things that we need in our society for each other. And it's going to be women with women. It's going to be us supporting each other through this because we get it. We just get it on such a profound level because every single one of us has it.
Speaker 2 (00:28:13) - Yeah. It's so I mean, it's really profound. Does your work with people, is it mostly individual? Do you do group work? Like what does that look like?
Speaker 3 (00:28:23) - Yeah. So I do have one on one clients. I love my one on one work. Everyone's like, you know, to scale. This is what I mean by I'm not the normal business coach right there. Like, you gotta stop one on one. I'm like, I will never stop what I what I love, what I want so much.
Speaker 3 (00:28:36) - And what I always say to people is I do you so you can go do your business. And of course I'll help you with business and profitability and all that stuff. But, you know, in my mind, business success is 20% strategy and 80% mindset. I can give you every strategy in the book and if your head's on a mess, not gonna matter. So there's that one on one. And then I have the sales mastermind, which is a six month intensive high touch coaching program. It's a group coaching program specifically on sales. And there I do teach that is strategy. You go out and practice, we work on it together. You go out to practice again, we work on it together. And I love that. I love that course. And then I have my Abundance Academy and that is a 12 month program. It's open enrollment, so people come in when they need it. And I love that about it. It's not an open and closed course. They come in when they know they need more women in their lives who are being ambitious and are chasing things and going after stuff and looking for abundance in every area of life.
Speaker 3 (00:29:25) - And I really, really love that. A programs like From My Heart, that's like the one where people realize there is enough time. Like I see a lot of shoulders drop and relax and I see joy in a new way, and I see love showing up in different ways and, well, it's so delicious. It's just my thing.
Speaker 2 (00:29:41) - I just love that. It's so interesting. I just had my meeting with my team, like, you know, welcome to the New Year meeting. And I was just saying how one of the things that I envision is our law firm, you know, feeling like it's an honor to be a lawyer, not a burden, you know, and that it's not stressful and that it is a joyful practice. And, you know, I get people looking at me and you can just see on zoom, they're looking at me like, okay, Elise, you must have like had a little too much to drink in Antarctica or something. But but it's so true. Like, I feel like there's such a choice in what you're coming into and what you're doing, and I just love the thought of that.
Speaker 2 (00:30:23) - There is enough time, there is enough peace, there's calmness. And I mean, because those are. All the things that like when I think about my law firm and think about like the ideal state, I have people in the whole firm who are always the lowest heart rate in every room, and they're calm and they're bringing that wisdom and peace to our clients because, I mean, when people are going through divorce, they don't need an attorney who's riding the ceiling. Do you know what I mean? Like, they need an attorney who is grounded, peaceful, who sees the future as hopeful. And so I love this. I mean, I'm super curious. I'm gonna have to go, like, look at this, because this is really intriguing to me.
Speaker 3 (00:31:10) - Yeah, it's it's kind of a recreation of how we're moving through life. Right? It really is. It's, you know, I was just talking to a colleague about this this morning. She was talking about the quiet quitting and like, the great resignation and and this here I've noticed there's like the anti hustle movement and I'm like what is happening.
Speaker 3 (00:31:27) - And you know obviously look there can't be all of that. Like in order to be successful you gotta do stuff like there's just sort of that and you don't have to hustle. And that's what I mean by like a different way to experience going through life, because you can have a task list of 20 things to do, and on Monday it could freak you the hell out and you're like, it's totally right. But then you shift your mindset around it. It's like, oh my gosh, 18 of those things are going to make people feel better. Oh, you get a great cup of coffee and you sit down, you put on some wonderful music and you just get those. And the last two might be tasks, tasks that are a little annoying, but you're like, I helped 18 people today. And then and it's the same task list, right? Right. You have to get work done. But what a different way to go through life, right? Like whoa. And that that's actually possible.
Speaker 3 (00:32:14) - Completely right. I mean, it's a real thing. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:32:18) - Yeah.
Speaker 3 (00:32:18) - And it makes and it and what I love to what I love. Right. Because I have my I have my goal in life and that's I put more money in the hands of more women. And what I love about is we can go through life like that and it even brings in more money, right? Well then it's like sweepstakes man, you name it, we got it. And that's when real joy and aliveness happens. And boy am I here for that. Like, yeah, let's go. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:32:41) - Well and that's the thing. The thought of bringing more money into women's hands and their hearts because women do some of the most amazing things with their money in addition to caring for themselves. But, I mean, some women, they just I'm mind boggled at the stuff they'll do and start and just will turn something into this beautiful thing. And I'm like, wow, that's amazing. I just love it. It's true, it's true.
Speaker 3 (00:33:11) - I know my my kids are big Taylor Swift fans. Oh yeah. So I've really been tracking that woman and I am like, holy what? Wow. And all her own. Oh yeah. Writing lyrics on her phone sitting here. I don't like that. I'm going to change this one. I'm like, what in the. I mean, and there are a few people that work that hard, right? Like I wouldn't run for three hours on a treadmill every single day while singing in order to prepare for that tour. But that's what she did, right? Totally. And it's also like, I think one of the food banks after her concerts was like, yeah, they wouldn't disclose the number, but they're like, she gave us enough to feed half a million people every year for the next ten years. And I just burst into tears. I'm like, that's what women do with money. And you know, it's going to make me cry. But like, I look at what's happening in the world and we, you know, we all know the wars, horrible things.
Speaker 3 (00:33:57) - And, you know, I just say, you know, if we can drop a bomb within inches of where we need it, we can drop food and water and medicine within inches of where we need it. And I don't think women would drop bombs on each other's children. And we need more women in charge of where these things are going, what is happening and.
Speaker 2 (00:34:13) - What's being dropped. Yes.
Speaker 3 (00:34:14) - Right. That's right. Because we would we would drop food, water and medicine.
Speaker 2 (00:34:17) - Completely for.
Speaker 3 (00:34:18) - Each other's children, not bombs. And it's got to stop. And I truly believe the answer is more money in the hands of more women.
Speaker 2 (00:34:25) - I do too, I absolutely do, absolutely. I just think women need to have so much more power in our world. I mean, and, you know, like it or not, I mean, power and money are exceedingly intertwined.
Speaker 3 (00:34:42) - I say that all the time. At least. Money is the most powerful tool we have access to today. We might not like that fact.
Speaker 3 (00:34:48) - And who knows, maybe next year will decide it's paper hearts instead. I don't know, but right now it's money, right? And it has intentionally been taken away from the hands of women, right? In different ways, we can say that. But it's also doesn't have to be that way now. And this high functioning codependence thing, that's our way internally for us to start to tackle this and start to live life a little bit differently. So we do start to see the avenues, you know, the opportunities to create more money, the opportunity to generate a bigger income. It's very challenging to do that if you're focused on the laundry. And I'm not saying that like doing laundry is bad. I actually love doing laundry. I'm crazy. I'm like a Marie Kondo fan. I love it, right? Like there are parts of it I really enjoy. That's not what I mean. But if you think that's what you're here to do. Do, expanding your mind to see the opportunities and the other ways you can serve is going to shrink because it's been occupied by other things, right? So that's what I mean by that.
Speaker 3 (00:35:37) - And you're exhausted and you get sick and you're right. So yes, lots of work ahead, but it's all doable.
Speaker 2 (00:35:43) - The mindset I mean, I sometimes I'll talk to people and, you know, sometimes even a client and they'll be talking about, oh, well, I need to cut this, you know, these three expenses and we're talking like $100 here, $100 there. I'm like, can we actually figure out how for you to bring in 5000 more dollars a month, like let's go for that. Yes. And they're like, but at least I just need to say.
Speaker 3 (00:36:08) - I'm like.
Speaker 2 (00:36:09) - Let's flip that whole thing. And, and it's so interesting because even just as simple as how do you bring in another $5,000 a month? Sometimes I'll brainstorm with a client and I'm like, let's talk about all the ways you could bring in $5,000 by the end of this week. I mean, literally there's 100 of them. Do you know what I mean? So many ways. And it's so fascinating to watch them just it like, boggles their mind because they're like, I never thought about how I could bring in this money right now.
Speaker 2 (00:36:42) - And it's like, I mean, just really flipping your mindset around what is possible.
Speaker 3 (00:36:48) - Yeah, yeah, it's true. And that's what it takes. That's it right there. That's what we're looking at. And that exactly what you just said. The flips in our mind, in our own mind about what is real, what isn't, what do I have to do, what needs to get done like that. Just starting to question that instead of save, save, save. Well, how about we expand, expand, expand those moments? That's all the magic right there. Yeah I love that you do that for your clients Lisa. That's so cool. It's so good.
Speaker 2 (00:37:15) - They probably think I'm a little wacky as I'm out there, you know, giving them their ideas on how can we raise $5,000. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (00:37:21) - Until they bring in $5,000, they're like, Elise is a genius, right?
Speaker 2 (00:37:24) - Because I think you do it one time, though, and it helps you build your confidence. And then you're like, oh, okay, I can create this again and again and again.
Speaker 2 (00:37:36) - And I mean, it grows on itself. Mhm. I find that's true. Yeah. That's true. So interesting. Yeah. Well when you talk about as my last question because I know I've like kept you like oh I love it when you talk about growing up in a like a single parent household, you know, or like not having a lot of money. How do you think that impacted you in your ability to do the work you do now? Like, I mean, how has that played out for you?
Speaker 3 (00:38:03) - It's everything. It's everything. Yeah. I mean, all right, do you want me to tell you? Because I'll tell you. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:38:10) - I do.
Speaker 3 (00:38:11) - You know, like I need to ask permission for this because I'm about to tell you a little story. No. So it actually, honestly, I think this work for me started when I was five, and I was. You remember when PBS used to do fundraisers? Because, you know, we're 425 years old. So anyway, so yeah, PBS used to do fundraisers and it was Christmastime, and they were doing The Nutcracker like this beautiful.
Speaker 3 (00:38:30) - I think it was the Russian Ballet. I don't know, it was gorgeous. And I looked at the screen, I turned to my mom and said, mom, I want to do that. I didn't know what it was, I didn't care, I want it in. And we were way too poor for me to really take lessons. But what I did do was learn from MTV. Yeah. So Janet Jackson, Paula Abdul, I was great at throwing chairs and pretending I was dancing with cartoon characters. It was great. And that's really how I learned to dance. Then every once in a while, if we had enough, I could do like a pop in class or something like that, or I'd watch early in the morning. There would be things on PBS, like little exercise classes. Those things I would do those. But one of the big things in Utah where I was raised were the dance teams. The high school dance teams were a really big deal, and I really, really wanted to make the dance team.
Speaker 3 (00:39:10) - So it comes time. Finally, I'm 16, 5 to 16 my whole life, right? I wanted to be on this dance team and I get to try out and I made the team and I'll never forget it. I'm in a really tight knit community. People are bringing over roses. Like, everyone's so excited. And then I got the letter that said how much the dance costumes were going to cost. Oh yeah, at least I don't know if you've ever had a moment where you sort of watch yourself go through something. You're almost like, wow, she's having something go on. Right? It's like, and I'm looking at it's like the the jacket and the shoes and the cost. And I'm like, oh my God, like we can't. Oh my God, when I say we're poor, we were poor. Why you don't understand. There were times we had half a loaf of bread that my mother had made from scratch. Right. And a jar of honey like the end. That's like we're talking, not money.
Speaker 3 (00:39:55) - And I know everyone watching or listening will be crazy shocked that I was very frisky. And I went and got a job at the mall. And if you don't know what a mall is anymore, just think of Stranger Things. And I went to the mall and I got a job at one of those kiosks that are now annoying where they're like, hey, can I ask you about your hair? Right. It was kind of like that. I sold little tchotchkes that nobody needed, but it was the 80s, so it was cool. And I made my little first paycheck, and I was so excited because it was enough for the deposit on the on the dance costume. So my mom takes me to the grocery store where they have a service desk so I can get the check cash because I don't have my own bank account yet. And as we're. Walking into the store, my mom says, Sarah, the strawberries are on sale. Can we get some? And I'm like, okay, so I'm thinking of the strawberries.
Speaker 3 (00:40:34) - I'm thinking of my costumes. I'm like, yes, we can do both these things, right? So I go get my money. She takes my younger brother to go get the strawberries, and now I have the cash in hand and I'm looking for in the express checkout. And she's not there. I'm like, oh my God, where did they go? And I'm looking up and down the aisles and I see them in line with a cart full of groceries. And it's like my brother's favorite breakfast cereal. It's milk. It's lunch meats for his lunches. It's bread. The damn strawberries are there. And I'm standing there, Lisa, and I'm like, I can pay for these groceries, food for the family, or I can get something I've wanted since I was five, but I can't do both.
Speaker 2 (00:41:09) - Right?
Speaker 3 (00:41:10) - And in that moment, I decided I could never take care of myself and the people I love. Right? So I leave little Sandy, Utah. I go to UCLA. I live in Europe for two years doing like work with the homeless people.
Speaker 3 (00:41:23) - Right? Like like I'm all over the place and I finally land in New York City. I have this incredible corporate job, right? I have this beautiful glass office. I got to fit a tree in there. It's like, oh, my God, it's amazing, right? Except I'm sick all the time. My chest always hurts, right? I was about £20 thinner than I am now. That part didn't suck so much, but it wasn't for healthy reasons. And anyway, I'm sitting there one day. My mom, my mom, my daughter calls and says, mommy, I miss you. And I'm hearing the clock tick in my office and I'm like, I'm not getting these minutes back. And that was the day I remembered the grocery store. Before that moment, I had forgotten about, you know, life happens and then you forget that you have a life, right? I'd forgotten. And I realized I had made the decision while my family was being taken care of financially, I was not okay.
Speaker 3 (00:42:08) - Right? And that was the moment I remembered. And what what happened after that was actually quite important. Everyone's always like, did you buy the girl? What did you do? And I'm sorry, I don't mean to leave people hanging, but what I did that day is I bought the groceries, and then my best friend's mom heard what had happened, right? And she got the costumes for me. Right? And what was so amazing, Lisa's in 2019, right before Covid hit, I held a conference in Salt Lake City. I went back and decided to host a conference there. And people know this is my grocery store story. And so I tell it often, and I just burst into tears and I said, you know, everybody knows there was someone who bought my costume, and I got to bring her up on stage and thank her in front of everybody. It was like, I cry every time I tell this because she died in 2020. So it was like this incredible moment. And, and, you know, at least like I was joking and I say, you know, you forget your own life happens like I tell that story and it's real and it happened.
Speaker 3 (00:43:00) - But in that moment, to be back in the place where it happened with the woman who made that difference in my life, saying, if she hadn't paid for those costumes, I don't know if I'd be doing this. Right. Right. I mean, it's just the ripple effect of our behavior and understanding that that's what women do when they have money. Yeah. Also juxtaposed to the position my mother was in that day, the position I was in that day, and that I think has informed all of my work. So I know that was a long answer to your short question, but it was real. That's my real, honest to God answer is that this is why I do. What I do is because I was raised that way.
Speaker 2 (00:43:36) - Wow wow wow wow is all I can say is I mean, oh, it's isn't it amazing how our childhood informs things and as a mom, the ultimate responsibility you feel like. I mean, there are so many things. You can only imagine how many times I've been like, oh gosh, that was not my best moment.
Speaker 2 (00:44:01) - Or you know. Yes, yes. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, yeah. Wow. Thank you so much for sharing that. I mean, yeah, gosh, I'm so glad, though, that somebody did help you and you were able to get the costumes and keep moving forward with the dance team. That was a huge blessing.
Speaker 3 (00:44:23) - It changed everything. I mean, it did. It changed everything, right? It showed me I love being on stage, right? So every time I speak, I'm like, thank you so much, Audrey. I mean, still to this day, I'm like, God bless you. Thank you. You know, just incredible. And I think, like I said, that trifecta of me, my mother and Audrey and watching what women are taught about money, how we treat money, how we treat each other with money, all those things and watching that move around in that one moment and like, like, how do I not do what I'm doing right?
Speaker 2 (00:44:51) - I almost feel that way sometimes.
Speaker 2 (00:44:53) - Yeah. Oh, absolutely. I feel that way for you.
Speaker 3 (00:44:56) - I yeah, it was it was quite the orchestrated moment. Sometimes I feel like thanks universe. I don't know why I had to make it so hard, but dang message received right.
Speaker 2 (00:45:08) - Oh my gosh. Well it has been such a pleasure talking to you. I just cannot thank you enough. How should people find you? Like what is the best way? And we will make sure to get those in the show notes. But what is the best way for people to find you?
Speaker 3 (00:45:23) - Yeah, so you find me on YouTube. I'm always over on YouTube having a great time and I'm on. Sir Graham as well the Sarah Walton. Not because I'm the Sarah Walton, but because my name was taken. Yeah. So you'll find me there, and then you just head over to Sarah Walton. Com and I have a lot of obviously free resources there for people because my job is to put more money in the hands of more women and.
Speaker 3 (00:45:41) - Yeah, drop me a line, say hi. We do respond. I really, really do. And I love meeting more women who are up to Stem. They're ready to shift. They're ready to stop seeing the world the way the rest of the world wants us to see it. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:45:53) - Yeah. Well, I cannot wait to share this with other people because you have just been, I mean, really, really game changing just to talk to today. I really appreciate it. And I appreciate your time.
Speaker 3 (00:46:06) - Thank you Elisa. So and I appreciate you having me on. This has just been an absolute joy to talk to you all day.
Speaker 2 (00:46:11) - Well, thank you and good luck to your son with his college application.
Speaker 3 (00:46:15) - Oh thank you, thank you. Fingers crossed. Fingers, toes, eyeballs. Everything. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:46:19) - Thank you so much, Elise. Okay. Enjoy your day.
Speaker 1 (00:46:23) - Thanks for listening to the Maximum Mom podcast. A production of Maximum Lawyer Media. Be sure to subscribe to the show so you never miss an episode.
Speaker 1 (00:46:32) - See you next time.
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